Thursday, January 19, 2006

"Appropriate" Racism

So by now, I'm sure you've heard about Hillary Clinton's ludicrous statement that the House of Representatives is "run like a plantation." Since Monday, I've read about (or heard on NPR) so many people defending her statements, I just can't stand it. Perhaps they doth protest too loudly? Or is it simply that people, including "goldenboy" IL senator Barack Obama can't bring themselves to criticize the political juggernaut that is Hillary?

Either way, the entire thing is deserving of nothing but the strongest ridicule. With that I mind, I proudly present to you the 10 Ways the House is run like a plantation (proudly culled from Ace of Spades):

Top Ten Ways The House Of Representatives Is Like "A Plantation"
10. Just like on a plantation, it's still all about the cotton, sugar & tobacco

9. The most junior slaves on a plantation were invariably assigned the least desirable offices, often in the basement of the Russel Building

8. Congressmen are paid over $170,000 per year, just a fraction more than what slaves were paid; plus, slaves had to pay for their own stamps, if you can imagine such barbarism

7. Slaves were often subject to the indignity of being jetted off to Boca Raton golf courses to be lobbied on okra subsidies

6. Two words: "Majority Whip." Do I have to spell it out for you?

5. Slave-masters were notoriously cruel and arbitrary about allowing their slaves to "extend and revise" their remarks for the Congressional Record

4. Whether it's the "manacles" of having one's amendments voted down or actual, literal manacles holding your body as you bake in the punishing noontime sun, hey, it's all still basically just "chains of oppression," right?

3. Slaves were often looked down upon as the lowest rung of society, hardly fit to acknowledge even as human beings; Congressmen... well, more or less the same

2. Just like slaves did after a backbreaking day's toil in the fields, Congressmen end their days by heading over to Ted Kennedy's Georgetown bachelor pad for hookers & foosball

... and the Number One Way In Which The House of Representatives Is
Like a Plantation...

1. Like slaves, Congressmen are openly bought and traded
Check out this great parody of Sen. Obama defending Hillary.

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